I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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