When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I can't turn off my feet"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
