remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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