I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
