It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
