Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
