Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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