I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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