You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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