I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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