You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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