Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
