some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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