Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.