btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.