I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.