He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
