I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
