meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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