The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
