ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
