Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
