hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just cut my nipple shaving
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
