Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't deserve a penis
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
