You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I need moral support for this bender
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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