what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
