saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
