Cold hands, warm shart.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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