My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
