Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
