im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
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I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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