A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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