Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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