And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
