Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
