I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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