Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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