Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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