I feel great
I just peed on a car
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
