tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i dont even know how to be here
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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