i would punch a child for taco bell
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
