if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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