went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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