They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
