Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
