i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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