Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
