I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Randomize
