Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
