we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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