Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My dick has a subreddit
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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