we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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