if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Four minutes until I can fart!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
