I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We're too hungover to prance.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
