First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
