You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
love makes seman taste better
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
