Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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