My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
