Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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