we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize