I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
