when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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