remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
