I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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