She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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