Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
