I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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