new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
