is your mom at the bar?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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