I'm passing your future prison.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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