I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
