Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
