i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
