You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
