and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
