It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
