A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
