we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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