Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
